Dark At Heart
by Brat-Child3
Summary: [Second Posting] Helga's heart is getting colder and darker each day Arnold is gone from her life. She wants him to move back to Hillwood, but can she handle it when he does?
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note: **It's _meeeeeee_! I don't know why this story was so popular, but I get someone now and again who finds me somehow and wants me to re-post it, so here it is. I started writing another HA! fic... and everyone just reviewed to tell me I need to re-post Dark At Heart. So... I may or may not continue that one, since everyone seems to care too much for this one to bother. Either way, please enjoy the return of the original Dark At Heart.

... And review please!

**Disclaimer: **Hey Arnold is not mine.

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**Chapter 1- Fare Thee Well:**

It was a dark day. Not in the sense of the weather being gloomy. Quite the contrary in fact; The sky had been a bright and beautiful shade of blue that softly faded at the horizon. A soft breeze blew gently through the newly leaved trees while the sun smiled down warm and pleasantly, casting golden rays of cheeriness on this perfect spring day.

No, the day wasn't dark, she was dark in her heart. The storm that had been forming in her soul for five years seemed to be growing worse as the days dragged along. It raged and persisted inside her, forming a hurricane of uncontrolled emotions no one was even aware of. Lightning of hurt and resentment were reflected through her eyes, being the only hint to anyone else that something might be wrong.

While everyone else had complimented the day and basked gratefully in its warmth, she kept in her own cold world, isolated from everyone and everything. She didn't have a need to interact with the world anymore. For in her heart was a black hole. An empty space that couldn't be filled.

Arnold, the only light in her life, was gone.

A week after Arnold's tenth birthday, he had won a trip through the school to central America. Fortunately for him, that's where his parents happened to be. He had talked non-stop about how he was going to find his parents while he was on the trip. Using the map he found in his Father's journal, he was able to make his dreams come true.

Helga didn't know all the details. No one ever told her, and she was too proud to ask. All she knew was that two weeks later he left Hillwood and her broken heart behind to live in central America with his parents and Grandparents.

She could remember that day as the worst day of her life. From the moment she heard he was going to leave up until twenty minutes before he was boarding the plane, her chest felt like it was going to cave in. She avoided him like the plague, thinking if she never saw him again that maybe, just maybe, she would be able to survive without him.

She had sat in her room, watching her digital clock and counting down the time until her one true love would forever be nothing but a memory. To her complete shock, exactly two hours and twenty three minutes before his flight the doorbell rang. She could hear the muffled grumbling sound of Big Bob speaking to whoever was at the door, and finally, "Get down here Olga, Your little friend Alfred's here to see you!"

"Arnold!" She had exclaimed, though she was alone. "What's he doing here to see me?!"

She felt herself begin to tremble. She couldn't go talk to him. She was far too vulnerable. Knowing she would probably never see him again, who knows what she would end up saying. She couldn't risk it. She just couldn't. A few minutes later there was a soft knock on the door.

"Go _away_." She grumbled through clenched teeth.

"Helga it's me." Came Arnold's sweet and gentle voice. "Can I come in please?"

Her heart was plummeting against her chest. "No, you can't come in _Arnoldo_."

"Then can you come out?" He tried again.

She bit her lower lip and shook her head while the tears began to sting her eyes. Didn't he know the torture and agony he was causing her this very moment? Didn't he understand that it would be easier if he would just go away without glancing back?

"Helga _please_. I know we've never really been that close. And I know you don't care that I'm leaving..." He sighed and let his voice trail off. "This is really hard for me, leaving everyone and everything I've ever known. Well, except Grandma and Grandpa. I just wanted to be able to say goodbye to you."

"Sianara, _football_ head!" She shouted bitterly. "Ya happy now?"

Boldly he opened her bedroom door and walked in, closing it behind him. For some reason, she never did scare him. He ignored the icy glare she gave as he walked over to her bed and sat beside her. Their shoulders touched.

"Have you been avoiding me?" He asked simply.

"Why _wouldn't_ I want to avoid an annoying football-head?" She hissed.

"You never avoided me before, you were just... well, mean and nasty."

She glared at him relentlessly. Arnold didn't notice, he was rubbing his arm and looking down at his shoes. With his gaze focused elsewhere, she was able to open up a little more.

"If you hate me so much, why'd you come barging into my room?"

His head whipped around. "You think I hate you?" He asked, clearly perplexed.

"_You think I hate you_." Helga mimicked and rolled her eyes. "Of course you hate me, football-head. Doi! After all, _I_ hate _you._"

He chose to ignore the last part of her sentence. "I don't hate anyone. Even if I did, you've done too many nice things for me to ever hate you."

"Puh-_lease_ Arnold. I've never done anything '_nice_'. That's left for the mushy do-gooders like you and _Lila._" She sneered, face screwed up in distaste.

Arnold gave her a skeptical look. "Even though you wont admit it, I know your a good person deep down. And you _have _done a lot of nice things."

Helga looked around a bit anxiously and quickly thought up a defense. "I thought you were here to say good bye, not preach at me." She crossed her arms. "Sheesh, what a maroon."

Arnold's lids lowered half way and he sighed. "Do you have a pen and paper?"

She looked at him slightly baffled, but reached into her side table drawer and pulled out a pen and small clean sheet of paper. He got up and set the paper on the side table and began scribbling something down. He then clicked the pen closed and looked over his writing before handing it to her. "This is my new address and phone number. Write to me or call sometime."

Helga stared at the clear, neat writing with a mixture of emotions. Before she could come up with a sardonic remark, she felt his warm hand on her arm. She looked up into soft, sincere eyes.

"I'll miss you Helga." He said quietly. And with that, he walked out of her room and quietly closed the door behind him.

She had sat staring at the door for a long time after that, feeling completely helpless, and she hated that with a vengeance. She fought with herself, wanting to go after him, go _with_ him, make him stay. Something. _Anything _to keep him a part of her life. She cried long and hard into her hands. Finally coming around she looked at her clock. He would leave in 20 minutes.

"I don't have much time!" She shouted as she jumped off her bed and safely tucked his address under her pillow. She rushed into the bathroom, splashed her face with cool water, quickly dried it, and ran down the stairs.

"I'm going out Miriam!" She shouted as she flew out the front door. She ran as fast as she possibly could until she came to a bus loading passengers. She got on, and sat down in an empty seat, huffing and puffing. Sixteen minutes later she got off the bus and ran the rest of the way to the airport. It took some quick searching before she caught sight of the gang. She bent over, hands against her knees and tried to catch her breath.

"Oh Arnold, I'll miss you just ever so much." Lila said as she clung to him.

"I'll miss you too Lila." He replied and hugged her back. "I'll be sure to call or write to all of you."

"I'm oh so certain I'll write back." Lila assured.

There were mumbled agreements from the P.S 118 gang that surrounded him.

"Thanks guys." Arnold said with a soft smile.

Gerald walked up to him and playfully slugged his shoulder. "See you on the flip side my brotha."

Arnold pulled him into a hug. On the release, they did their 'secret' handshake. He then looked at Phoebe, who had quietly stood beside Gerald the whole time. She was now looking down, her eyes beginning to mist over. She suddenly flung herself at him.

"Oh Arnold, It just wont be the same without you!" She cried into his sweater. "I'm sorry Helga didn't come to say goodbye. I tried to talk her into it—"

"Its okay. I went to see her earlier today." Arnold assured.

Phoebe looked up at Arnold, her arms still around his waist. "Did you part on good terms?" She asked almost desperately.

Arnold pursed his lips together. Phoebe had been acting weird all week, trying hard to get him and Helga next to each other and alone as often as possible without looking suspicious. Helga, on the other hand, had found an excuse out of every situation and stayed as far away as she possibly could, even at the expense of missing baseball in Gerald field. It seemed vital to Phoebe that they part on good terms. To calm her fears he simply stated, "Things went okay, considering it was Helga."

Phoebe nodded in agreement, but didn't look satisfied.

"Keep Gerald out of trouble for me, okay?" He asked with a hint of teasing to lighten the mood.

"I will." She smiled and gave one last squeeze before letting go and rejoining Gerald, who gently took her hand.

Rhonda, Nadine, Lila, and Patty all gave Arnold one last hug as his flight number was called.

"Ready to go see your parents, short man?" Grandpa asked.

Arnold looked up and smiled at him as he nodded. Phil put his arm on Arnold's shoulder as they turned to walk away.

"Arnold, …_wait_!"

The sudden shout made him stop and turn around. Phoebe was smiling as she watched Helga walk cautiously up to Arnold.

"Helga... You came." He said in shock.

"Well, Yeah... I..." She stuttered nervously, not sure of what to say. She didn't have to. A second later Arnold was hugging her tightly.

"I still like your bow." His whisper tickled her ear.

Her eyes widened in shock. She couldn't believe he actually remembered saying that all those years ago. She felt him begin to pull away.

_No! Don't leave me Arnold!_ Her mind screamed. _Please take me with you! I cant live without you! No one would even notice I was gone! I'll do anything, just don't leave me! I love you Arnold, love you..._

But her voice just couldn't form the words.

His smile was warm, like everything else about him. "Bye Helga."

"Bye Arnold!" Sid called.

It was followed by other random goodbyes and plea's for him to call or write from everyone else as he walked away with his Grandparents, and disappeared through the gate as Grandma sung "Fare thee well, fare thee well, fare thee well my fairy fay! For I'm going to Louisiana, for to see my Susyanna, Sing polly wolly doodle all the day!"

Helga wanted to run after him, beg him to take her with and away from the home and life she considered her prison, but her shoes were glued to the ground.

All she could do was watch him disappear from her life...

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**To Be Continued...**

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_-BratChild3_


	2. Life Goes On

**Authors Note: **Cripes. I think my writing sucks now, but _Jesus _it was bad when I wrote this. Which makes each and every review I got just that much more special. Thank you muchly for those. I decided to continue "Away with the Day" as well, so give it another try.

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**Chapter 2- Life Goes On**

Five years had come and gone since her sole purpose for life was taken away for her. Now at the age of fifteen, Helga was just as bitter as ever. And her love for Arnold, buried deeper than ever before.

She lay on her stomach on her bed, staring blankly at her locket. She felt so numb. So empty and drained of life. Kissing the picture tenderly, she sighed as she stuffed it underneath her pillow. It wasn't her usual dreamy sigh, but a weary half-hearted one. She then looked down at the blank piece of paper in front of her for a few moments. Grabbing her pen, she began to scribble down anything that came to mind.

_Dear Arnold,_

_How's it goin Football-head? Or should I say Jungle boy. I got all your letters. You're probably wondering why I haven't responded. Then again, I'd say you know me well enough to know I wouldn't write back in the first place. Don't get any idea's just because I'm writing now, Arnoldo. I just happen to be bored, okay? Don't get all mushy on me._

_I guess I could say a lot about how everyone's changed and how great High school is. But that would be a load of bull. Hardly anyone's changed at all, least of all me. And high school blows. It's every bit as miserable as I thought it would be. Besides, I figure you're all caught up in everyone's lives anyways. I know you still give all these clueless buffoons advice. Every time someone has a problem, your name is eventually mentioned. They wouldn't have made it this far if it wasn't for your endless optimism and advice. Talk about pathetic._

_Take today for instance; Princess Rhonda Wellington Lloyd ran to the nurses office in tears and ended up leaving early because some idiot squirted ketchup on her new vintage blouse. Clothes aren't that important. Besides, hasn't she ever heard of stain remover? I bet she called you right up, waterworks and all thinking she'd lost all respect from everyone. What a sap._

_And Eugene. Criminey, I'm surprised he isn't dead by now. He's out of school for six weeks. Can you guess why? Well, turns out he was in the park feeding the wild geese, fell in the water, and Harold threw bread crumbs all over him. I think you can figure out the rest. Who knew wild birds favorite snack was breaded geeks? It was actually quite entertaining to watch. Its just a shame I didn't have popcorn handy._

_As for Gerald and Phoebe, I've never seen two people more obvious then them. Why they don't just make out and get it over with is beyond me. Everyone's know they've liked each other since fourth grade. As you probably know, they still aren't going out. I don't know what they're waiting for. You really outta work some of your optimistic charm on tall hair boy before someone snatches Pheebs right out from under his nose. She's been turning a lot of heads lately._

_Since Lila is just "ever-so" considerate of your feelings, You probably didn't know she was going out with Stinky. Who would have seen that one coming? I sure didn't. They broke up a few weeks later. I never got the details, And I really don't give a crap anyways. They made a lousy couple and I nearly puked my guts out whenever they made out in the halls, so the break up was in everyone's best interest. I guess Lila has a thing for the dull and boring type._

_I guess I'm the only person you aren't updated on. I'm not sure if anyone else has told you anything about me; besides, "Helga's still a vicious bully." No one really knows anything about me besides Phoebe. But I know she talks to you regularly. She's always telling me that you say hi. _

_Well, Olga's moved back home. She wants to become an "Actress." What a crock. That's all I need, Olga becoming the next Gwyneth Paltrow. Things around here are worse than ever with her back in the house. I seem to be even more of a burden. I swear, One day I'm going to get out of here. I'll pack my bags and let the wind take me somewhere peaceful. Somewhere I can be me and not be looked down on for not measuring up to my sisters standards._

_In all seriousness, I really miss you Arnold. You're one of the few people who actually cared about me, and never gave up no matter how difficult I got. I never told you thank you for that. So... Thanks._

_And, thanks for all the birthday and Christmas cards you've sent over the years. It really means a lot that you haven't forgotten me._

_Love, Helga._

She stuffed the letter into the envelope without even overlooking it. She knew if she did, she would think it was dumb and toss it out. After writing Arnolds address and pounding on a stamp, she headed for the mail box. Big Bob could be heard shouting at the T.V as she walked down the stairs. She also caught a whiff of whatever the heck Olga was preparing for dinner that night. It never tasted as good as it smelled, and it didn't even smell that great. That was possibly from her lack of interest in everything, including food. She never had an appetite anymore.

She carelessly slammed the door behind her and trudged to the mail box. Her heart pounded harder the closer she got to it. She felt sweat begin to form on her forehead. When she finally reached the mail box, she stood in front of it for a long time. Her hand shook as she reluctantly placed it in the box.

_Okay Helga ol' girl,_ She coached herself. _It's in the mail box. Now walk away. Leave it there. You can do this, its just a stupid letter for cripes sake!_

She turned away and began walking.

_Okay, this isn't so bad. It's only Arnold, after all._

She smiled triumphantly and continued on her way. A second later she was racing back toward the mail box.

_Only Arnold! Yeah right! This is _hair boy _we're talking about here! My love, my life, my everything! What if I put something stupid?! I don't need him thinking I'm some kind of doughnut hole!_

She quickly removed her letter and stuffed it safely into her shirt.

"Phew! That was a close one." She said with a relived smile.

"Salutations Helga."

Helga violently spun around, coming face to face with her best friend.

"Criminey! What the heck were you tryin' to do?! Never sneak up on me like that again!" She screamed

"I'm sorry Helga." Phoebe said timidly. "I didn't intend to startle you. I was simply mailing a letter to Arnold. Were you sending him one too?" She asked hopefully.

Helga crossed her arms and turned away. "Yeah right. Like I'd really write the _football_-head a letter. Aren't you people over him yet?" She asked scornfully.

"He was our friend. Just because he moved away doesn't mean everyone's going to forget him." Phoebe answered as she slipped her letter into the mailbox.

"Whatever."

Phoebe turned back around and looked at Helga suspiciously. "He would really like to hear from you Helga. He always inquires about your well being and says he extends his best wishes."

Helga snorted sarcastically. "He'd better knock it off, He's giving me bad luck."

"That's quite impossible." Phoebe reasoned. "He really misses you, and I know you miss him too. You go on pretending like it doesn't matter to you that he's gone. But I know you, Helga. I know it bothers you a whole lot more than you let on. I think it would bring you some piece of mind if you would just send a simple little note."

"I _don't_ want to write to him, _Phoebe_." Helga responded through clenched teeth.

Phoebe was as sharp as ever. Just as she knew Helga was still harboring feelings for Arnold, she also knew when to back off. Nothing had changed about her through the years besides her looks, But even that wasn't too much different. She was taller, Although she was still petite. Her figure was slim, and blossoming nicely. She still wore her glasses, and her hair had grown out a little past her shoulders. She was very pretty, and had gained quite a number of admirers.

Helga, on the other hand, was nearly untouched. She was still tall, and thinned out a little more, especially in her waist. Her hips flared out perfectly, and her chest had filled out. No longer in a dress, she now wore a pair of jeans and a shirt that looked like her dress. She kept her unibrow, seeing no reason in going through the pain of plucking just to look like a Maybelline clone model. She kept her pigtails stubbornly, although instead of sticking straight out of her head, they were a little lower and slightly shorter. A blue hat sat on top of her head, completing her "unique" look and hiding the fact that she still wore her pink bow. Even though the bow was childish, she couldn't bear to part with it. Arnold had said he liked it, _twice._ So there it stayed, hidden from view.

"What were you doing out here?" Phoebe asked, wisely dropping the subject of Arnold.

"I was just... I was... taking a walk." Helga quickly made up. "Olga's cooking again and I thought I'd gag if I didn't get some fresh air."

"I find Olga's cooking quite enjoyable." Phoebe added.

"Puh-lease." Helga said with a scowl. "The only thing worse than the crap she makes is cafeteria lunches."

"You never even eat lunch." Phoebe pointed out.

"Which proves exactly how bad it is." Helga concluded.

"Okay Helga." Phoebe laughed slightly at her friends unbreakable stubbornness. "Your welcome to have dinner at my house. Mother's prepared a special casserole."

Helga's stomach churned at the thought of food. "No thanks Pheebs, I think I'll pass for tonight."

"The offer stands. I'd better get going. See you in class tomorrow." Phoebe said cheerfully as she walked away.

"Bye, Phoebe."

Helga turned back around and took the letter out of her shirt. She stared down at Arnolds name written neatly on the front and sighed tiredly.

"Maybe some day I wont be such a gutless worm."

She walked solemnly down the sidewalk to the boarding house. Standing on the opposite side of it, she watched a few lights flicker on. After Arnold and his Grandparents had left, Phil's twin sister Mitzi had agreed to be the manager of the boarding house, although refusing to actually live there. In turn, all the boarders were able to stay. Somehow, It just didn't seem special now that Arnold didn't lived there. It was just another run down building.

She sniffed and wiped her teary eyes. Retracing her steps to her house, she went straight back to her room. In a box in the back of her closet, she filed away the letter. It was just one among dozen she had written to Arnold, and was never able to send.

"Oh Arnold. Am I forever doomed to eternity without you? How long must I go without your sweet face? Every second with out you is torture, every moment apart I die a slow and uncanny death. For life without you is like life without water, without air. Until the day you return to me, my love, I shant breathe a breath at all."

Her tortured ramblings were disturbed by a knock on the door.

"Dinner will be ready in five minutes baby sister!" Olga squealed delightfully. "Wash up and come down. I made this especially for you!"

"Great." Helga mumbled beneath her breath. She sighed and leaned up against her closet wall, placing a hand to her growling stomach. "I guess it wouldn't hurt to chock down _something_."

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**_To Be Continued..._**

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_-BratChild3_


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